On being pregnant the second time (A Letter for Baby No. 2)

Hello my dear child,

In about a month or so, you will be in my arms bringing more sunshine into our life. Mummy has been having guilty feelings and I'm writing you this letter to tell you why.

Throughout this period of having you inside me, I realized my thoughts and feeling during this journey is very different from the very first time when I had your elder sister, Ayra.

When I had Ayra inside me, I would talk to her, read bedtime stories, listen to music together and always feeling very excited about having a baby inside me. I'll be thrilled whenever she moved and kicked inside. Sometimes I'll even snap photos of my round round tummy just for the fun of it. But now, I seldom or don't do any of the above at all with you. I'm sorry. In the first two trimester, I even forgot I am pregnant on some days! Really very very sorry my dear child.

Don't get me wrong baby, I am very happy and blessed to have you. I love you as much as your sister and I know you will be loved by everyone too, just like your sister. It's because of the different life, events, work, commitment and experiences that I am having now as compared to two years ago, these things have changed my mind and Mummy has matured.

There were a couple of times when Mummy cried due to guilt and hope I had felt the same excitement throughout my entire second pregnancy. Mummy is slowly making up to you. I sayang you more these days, whisper to you, asking Ayah and Ayra to talk to you and sayang you too, and I have been telling your elder sister every day that you are coming soon and she will need to love you, share her things with you and take care of you. I am sure both of you will be the bestest of sisters!

As the days past, I am starting to feel the anticipation building up. Although till today, we are still unsure how you will be arriving, naturally like your sister or a C-sect due to the position you may still be in. And though you will be due on September 11, Mummy is having this strong feeling that you may come slightly sooner. These uncertainties I hope will be clearer at our next visit to Dr John Tee later this week.

My dear child, please forgive Mummy for not paying as much attention as I had with Ayra. Mummy promise I will love you as much, shower you with as much hugs and kisses and will give you the best that we can from the day you are born.

I love you Baby! Looking forward to holding you in our arms soon. Grow well my child.