2019 A Year of Challenges and Blessings

Life is the one thing we may think we can control if we plan well and coherently, but it really is the single most uncontrollable and uncertain element in our living days.

This year, in twenty nineteen, when I thought life could never be any more challenging than what we were going through, another stressful and uncertain matters were thrown at me. Those months, even till today, are such a stressful time I thought I would never get out of the anxiety and pressure. Every day I live my days with a such a tight chest sometimes I felt I could never take another breath without passing out. In the night, I would have such vivid dreams and visions, its almost as if I wasn't asleep and was there in person experiencing all those anxiety and stress, 24/7, it just never seem to stop no matter how hard I try to.

These challenges from 2019, unfortunately, isn't going to leave me as it is, and will continue to challenge me and my sanity in 2020. For how long I really don't know. These are things that are beyond my control and ability to plan and wait it gets over. The more I try to leave it alone the more it comes to hunt me.

I run. 

I run as far away as I can by shutting myself out. By continuing thinking about other matters that will divert my consciousness and subliminal mind, away from these uncontrollable challenges that keep coming towards me.

If you ever have such a dream, where everything around you seem to be collapsing and coming down onto you no matter where you try to run or hide. Yes, it's that kind of feeling, constantly running in my mind. 

I'm not sure how will I handle myself to face these 3 challenges but I will never give in and surrender. I will just have to keep running, keep fighting and keep moving forward.

2019, I am still very grateful and thankful for the good things that came through. The positivity from the people whom I am blessed to be surrounded with at work and in the family. I will and we will continue to fight these challenges and come what may, we will survive!